Stop Asking For Permission….Take IT

I had to stop walking. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing- dead in my tracks, disbelief, incomprehensible wonder. What I heard, I had never experienced ever in my life- complete and utter SILENCE. It was deafening. Now I knew what that meant. Trekking through the Middle East with my huge hiking pack (I’m an over packer- I could never pretend not to be) led me to the deserts of Wadi Rum, Jordan.

Knockin’ down goals….

As a young boy, I dreamed of seeing Petra for myself after watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I couldn’t believe such a place existed. I tucked that dream away for years until I made it happen. The Bedouins were so hospitable and kind- we danced through the night around a warm fire, inside a large tent. Outside, the sky lit up in the cool night- a black sheet of sky punched with small, brightly backlit holes. I wondered about the countless travelers those stars had been beacons for throughout time.

There I was, trekking alone foolishly shortly after sunrise, no guide and a flimsy travel book on Jordan, amongst other travel books weighing me down. I say foolishly because I got lost, but that’s another story. I didn’t hear it at first. I was deep in my own head, trying to sort out whatever “problems” I felt I had, mindless negative chatter probably- the kind that weighs us all down most of the time. Then I heard an intense, piercing sound. The sound of…….NOTHING. The swishing of my pants as I tracked my feet in the sand had been my only companion. When I stopped….NOTHING- no wind, insect, bird, not an inkling to be heard except…… I had to confirm what I was hearing. So I moved again, stopped again, listened, moved again, stopped again, listened. I couldn’t tell you how many times I did this. When I finally realized it was real, I stood still, smiled widely and enjoyed the intense physicality of the present moment. I have never felt more at peace in my life than in the deserts of Jordan.

Deafening Silence and Beauty

The chatter- it’s constant. It’s so prevalent that we fail to recognize it. We are used to it because it almost never stops. The constant barrage of negative events and circumstances past, social norms, cultural customs, fears, the perceived expectations of our friends and family which determine in your mind the outcome of events that haven’t happened yet. How mad is that? We negatively PRE-DETERMINE the outcome of a future event before it even happens. That is a sickness, that is a disease, that is stress- that, my friends, is the price of fear. When there’s too much, it manifests physically…anything from simple anxiety to disease states, physical and emotional pain, emotional outbursts, depression, suicidal thoughts….all because of the insanity of those voices. It’s enough to make you not want to try anything unfamiliar. I get it. But growth only occurs when you get out of your comfort zone. It’s the attempted journey that’s the source, not the outcome.

We are so wrapped up in this insanity- we ask for permission from others to determine our own happiness. Screw what they want, or what you “think” they want for you. Give yourself the damn permission for your own happiness. How? Here are some tips:

1. Surround yourself with positive people, those with the qualities you want in yourself.

2. Ditch the negative people- this sounds harsh, but is a reality. I’m not saying ditch your negative friends and family- but realize that they may be holding you back

3. Learn to find happiness within yourself, not from an external source.

4. Volunteer- take some time out to do things for others. It doesn’t have to be a huge sacrifice. Just be aware that there are others in need and that you have the power to help.

5. Appreciate things that you already have- realize that money or your physical appearance won’t lead to happiness. I know plenty of rich, attractive folks that are miserable people.

6. Learn to meditate- easing negative mental chatter and finding peace within yourself takes practice. Finding a good meditation teacher and making it part of your daily practice is key. Keep searching for one you vibe with.

7. Wake up knowing your day will go well. It’s not enough just to say positive things- you have to learn to believe it.

8. Use your senses- slow down and feel the wind on your face, the flavor of your food, the smell of a warm croissant, the sight of the beautiful crisp morning. Listen to the birds chirping as you wake up to tackle the new day.

9. Stop doing for everyone else all the time. Compassion and kindness are great, integral qualities in a rock solid human being, but if you don’t treat yourself with the same kind of love, you will eventually run on empty and become resentful, angry. If your cup is full, you’ll have plenty to give others.

10. Don’t ignore the negative chatter, but accept it for what it is- just a crusty, old, outdated album set on repeat. Its power over you will dissipate.

11. And of course, find a good trainer and learn to properly nourish your body and train

Each and every day is an opportunity to start your life over. Take it, grasp it, use it. We often hear of stories of people with terminal illnesses finally learning to appreciate and accomplish before they die. The biggest regret of the dying is that they didn’t have time to DO. We have no control of our deaths (in most cases), but we do have control of our own lives. Stop wasting time “waiting” for the right time to DO. Do it now and don’t give a shit what anyone else says or thinks, or what you think they believe. Let them live their own lives. Go ahead and live yours exactly the way you want to. Then find people with similar values. There is power in numbers.

Let it go….

In my short time on this earth, I’ve learned to be a seeker of truth. I’ve learned to express myself honestly, no hidden intentions or agenda. Do I always get it right? Uh, that’s definitely a no. But when I fuck up, I realize it and try again. I’ve also learned to always go after what you want- whether it’s a job, a mission, a vision, a woman. I demand greatness from myself and set my standards high for the people around me. If I can help you reach your goals, I’ll do my best to do so. Why? How bad ass is it to help someone achieve their mission? In the end, it comes down to this- when you die, what do you want the most important people in your life to say about you? Now, go be that person…..